Bachelorette: Celtic Chaos

Me currently because my past recaps and stories  have been stalled due to an extremely busy schedule, but also me because we start Week 5 and we are STILL talking about Luke. Once again, one of my biggest issues with The Bachelor/Bachelorette format is that we spend the first half of each season focused on hating the villain and in our case, we’re still in deep with Luke P.

We pick up with Luke S. and Luke P. exchanging dirty looks before Hannah cuts the cocktail party short and wants to start eliminating. Before she can even finish her sentence, Luke S. decides to bow out and tells her to watch out for Luke P. 

It was nice knowing you Nick Viall Jr.

After a hellish time in Rhode Island, they head to Scotland and Hannah is determined to reset with a one-on-one with Mike. Honestly, Mike is so genuine and actually likes her, I  almost forgot that those kind of people exist in this land of famewhores.

The other guys are excited because they get a group date without the threat of Luke P. trying to kill them, and the men compete in a Braveheart-esque physical battle. Although they all suck at axe throwing and keeping milk in a bucket, Jed gives us this moment, so we’ll allow it.

Hannah spends the rest of the date doing a quality check on all the furniture’s durability by making out with Jed on a bench, Ryan on a pool table, and Tyler on the bed. Jed wins another group date rose and I’m starting to get a front runner vibe.

Back at the house, Mike and Luke continue to hate each other and we can only pray that Hannah decides to send the little meathead home. Hannah and Luke sit on cliff (that I  hope he falls off) to talk about how shitty the past few weeks has been.

It’s pretty apparent that Luke only tells Hannah what he thinks she wants to hear, and she wants to know about the important stuff… like…. does he like macaroni and cheese?….. *record scratch** yep, you read that right.

At dinner, he kinda starts to get it, but then resorts back to his old ways of perfectionism and saying everyone loves him.

Hannah:

Luke:

(what are feelings?)

So in the end, like seriously, the last 4 seconds, she picks up the rose and says she can’t give it to Luke. THANK THE LORD JED, we are done with this psychopath….until next week’s preview of him praying in church.

Rose: Mike is still probably the realist of the bunch for calling out Luke at every turn, and actually seeming to like Hannah for Hannah. Not sure why… but at least it’s genuine.

Thorn: All the guys for letting Luke get to them, don’t they know that feeding the monster more attention only makes him stronger?

Next week it looks like a straight up mess, Hannah is on the verge of quitting (but won’t let’s be honest) and Luke is still in Scotland, trying to find his strength to stay.

Let’s all try to find our strength to keep watching!

Until then,

TW

Bachelorette: A Tale of Two Lukes

Pack your bags everyone, we’re at Week 4 and that means the lease is up at the Bachelor Mansion because Chris Harrison lets the guys know it’s time for an exotic getaway to…. Rhode Island…..(no offense to RI but you know what I  mean)

…and poorly designed jackets

As expected, and deserved, our first one on one goes to our resident cowboy Jed. They get to walk around Boston for the day while Hannah rambles poorly recited American history facts that she’s making up and then get to be extra white with the Boston Celtics basketball team.

After their Space Jam roll play, Jed and Hannah go to dinner and the conversation turns to Jed professing his love…..for the limelight. Basically admitting this whole reason he did this show was to get exposure for his Spotify page and along the way, realized he actually is falling for her. How sweet, and stupid of her!

The next crop of guys are given a group date and it’s basically every random (including both Lukes) except Tyler C. who gets the other one-on-one. Everyone’s steroid and protein shake use is put to the test when they’re pitted against each other for a rugby match. Surprise surprise, someone gets hurt and the ambulance edit is in full effect. Another surprise, pyscho Luke goes beast mode on the other Luke (baby Nick Viall) for no reason and it gets ugly.

Footage of me excited of the chance that two guys might fight

At the cocktail portion, Luke P. is backed into a corner by everyone for lying and being a destructive monster but of course plays dumb and innocent. His defense is that other Luke is trying to promote his tequila company and doesn’t care about Hannah. If that’s the case, he’s doing a bad job. Neither is gifted the rose and Hannah leaves the cocktail party (in her weird silk robe outfit) confused as ever.

Have you see this show, Luke?

The next day, Hannah and Tyler C. (the Jupiter, Florida construction worker/model) get to play Deadliest Catch, only after she cried about Luke P for 30 mins. I’m over this sh*t, he SUCKS girl! After another basic ass date, he gets a rose and we’re summoned to the pre rose ceremony cocktail party.

Finally, Hannah and I  agree on something

The party turns into another Luke vs. Luke match and now Hannah can’t trust tequila company Luke, and she knows everyone hates Luke P so she’s conflicted and decides to pull them into  room together, before we fade to “To Be Continued” It’s funny how someone who admitted their a fame whore gets a rose, yet she’s struggling to give Luke S. one? Okay Hannah, sure.

How did he get a phone is the better question?

Rose: This week it goes to Mike, for literally just calling Luke P a psychopath to his face. We all deserved that moment.

Thorn: Whoever the hell let Hannah out of the house all week, EVERY. OUTFIT. WAS. A. MESS. From that tacky leather jacket to the ugly sweater at the fishing date, it was all a disaster. Nothing will be as bad as Becca’s styling last year though.

Next week we’ll see what I  assume is the final moments for Luke S, and then more fighting, making out, and whatever other annoying antics the producers will sprinkle in for us.

Until then,

TW

Bachelorette Recap: Pity Party

Okay ladies and gents, we’re onto week 3 of The Bachelorette, which means producers are comfortable enough sprinkling in B-list celebrity couples and weird sponsored content into Hannah’s search for love, and that’s exactly what we got.

We get thrown right into the first group date, which is a bizarre lesson on babies with the guy from American Pie and his wife…. seriously WHO is writing up these dates at ABC? After some questions about the female anatomy, that everyone fails miserably at, the guys are given labor simulation. It’s the only redeeming quality of the date because I  got a sick pleasure out of watching John Paul Jones basically sit in an electric chair.

During the cocktail hour, Cam (and his blazer/hoodie combo) decide to be literally the most annoying human in the world while Mike receives the group date rose. For as much as I   don’t like her, she is good at picking the right person for the group date rose, thus far.

The following day, we’re simply shown a random ambluence and then a quick clip of Hannah getting an IV of fluid, and not like those ones that influencers get in Miami after a night out. Her one-on-one date with Connor S. quickly turns into him running to the grocery store to get her soup and some cheap flowers. She says she woke up and immediately “passed out”…. you mean you fell back asleep? It was unclear, but I’m assuming the boat/helicpopter/limo driver of the day had to cancel and they needed an excuse.

…a post-it on a house plant….how romantic

She needs her rest so Connor leaves but on his way out, writes in chicken scratch all of his favorite qualities about her on post-its. She later finds them and loves the attention so much, she brings him back out for a completely planned surprise concert of Lukas Graham (who has one of the most annoying voices IMO)  and he gets a rose.

At the second group date, it’s another ANTM homage with a photoshoot, with some Zoolander ripoff “creative director” but we’re quickly reminded that they’re shooting with animals because SECRET LIFE OF PETS 2 debuts in theaters on June 7! Don’t get me wrong, I  love a good animated movie about animals, but this was just a CHEAP move on everyone’s part.

Another cheap move…. Luke being a psycho controlling boyfriend the entire photoshoot and well into the cocktail portion. Finally Hannah started to realize Luke has no chill and he’s quickly cock blocked by everyone including her. The pilot gets the group date rose, but only after using every cheesy pilot pun he can.

please make it stop

The next day, Chris Harrison tells the boys it’s time for a tailgate in lieu of a cocktail party, and they all start to orgasm at the idea of playing corn hole. It’s during this outing that Cam goes for a “pity rose” by telling Hannah about this possible amputation/grandparent dying/giving up a 10 month old puppy saga and it almost works until Mike snitches on him.

Before Cam’s elimination (thank god), Hannah does delivery a subtle read, a skill she’s actually quite good at.

So no pity here, and we’re rewarded for our troubles with a clip for next week and the season. I  will say, based off what’s to come, Hannah has more drama in one hair extension than Becca had in her entire body, she knows what the viewers want.

Role Tide err… Chicken Nugget Count: Seriously, why are Chicken Nuggets getting this much air time?! Not that I’m complaining, but let’s get a Chick-Fil-A sponsored date, not Secret Life of Pets 2.

 Rose: I  love a good snitch, so Mike’s willingness to throw Cam right under the bus is a great reason to keep her around longer

Thorn: The fact that Hannah just causally throws out that Tyler G. (the lego block head who got the first one-on one) “had to leave” this week and we get no explanation. Some online articles are saying he’s a PSYCHO but I’d love to confirm that STAT

Next week it looks like they head to Boston and Jed gets a One-on-one date… so you know I’ll be there.

Until then,

TW

 

Bachelorette Recap: Mr. Wrong

The first full night in the Bachelorette mansion has finished and we’re back for Week 2 of Hannah’s search for anyone but Luke P. love! After skipping around the mansion, she’s ready to get the party started with her first official group date.

Our first group date of the season is none other than a Hannah themed affair, a pageant! This “Mr. Right” Pageant is pretty wrong in general, but is saved for two reasons and two reasons only. 1. Producers decide to class up the joint with real talent and entertainment with Drag Stars Alyssa Edwards and Alaska of Drag Race fame and none other than ANTM’s Miss Jay. (It’s as if my crossover dreams came true, now only if Tyra herself was doing the rose ceremony)

Shante only these three stay

When Alyssa let’s them know they’ll be wearing speedos and performing a talent, my eyes start to roll. But then I  realize that Jed is on the date and then I’m quickly forgiving producers and Hannah for such a christ trap of a date.

To refresh your memory, this is Jed:

I  digress, Jed and some of the others impress and then we’re forced to watch Luke P, who decided his talent is literally telling Hannah he loves her…. it’s been 48 hours honey…. CALM DOWN. WE’VE GOT A STAGE 5 CLINGER.

Hannah and the judges are too blinded by Luke’s abs to remember Jed just did a great job being a second rate Justin Timberlake and is awarded “Mr. Wrong Right.” Luckily it doesn’t matter because Jed wins the first date rose, and that is the finest justice served.

Back at the frat house…errr… mansion, the first one on one date card is read aloud and it’s going to….. Tyler G. I  know what you’re thinking…. WHO? Literally unclear but Hannah calls him a hotter Tim Tebow so sure, let’s go with it. A mud slinging date (where she’s forced to wear all white) ends with a kiss and him saying he’s feeling very connected to her. I’ll point out he’s never looked at her in the eyes once. Classic.

It’s like they’re trying to annoy me with these little bits.

Now it’s time for the second group date, and the junior varsity suitors get to roll around a roller derby and bust their ass for no reason whatsoever. After the outing, they’re taking to that weird abandoned vintage furniture store in LA that literally EVERY season of this show goes too. Does ABC own this place?

It’s all going smoothly and then weird AF Cam shows up to “ABC” (always be Cam) and brings the most pathetic grocery store floral bouquet to surprise Hannah. It goes over like you’d think with the other guys. Basically every guy confronted Cam but no one threw a punch so it felt pointless to me.

As the rose ceremony approaches Hannah B comes in with another dress that’s got a GIANT slit on the side, (is this her signature?) and starts to cry because she’s so happy. She’s soooooo extra. She talks to all the guys and we get this pathetic moment.

I’d say no, only accepting ranch for anyone wondering!

I   can’t forget that Hannah goes XXX with Luke P. taking off his shirt during the cocktail hour and our beloved Jed is subject to being told by producers to walk in walking in on it. She looked like an idiot and Luke is still the worst.

It’s time to make another cut and unfortunately Cam STAYS! But we knew this, as he’ll probably be on a 2-on-1 where he’ll get humiliated, left on a volcano or trapped in a well… whatever the producers find most fitting.

Roll Tide Counter: 0?! Kinda shocked, maybe we should change this to “y’all” because I  know we’d have plenty of those.

Rose: Jed, this might turn into a Jed fan page. I’m just wondering if an EP about this “journey” is gonna be linked in his Insta bio soon.

Thorn: Luke, this might into a anti-Luke fan page. I  cannot wait till he is exposed for the little psychopath he is.

So far, so entertained. Jed is in, we have a few villains and she’s cried so the formula is in tact. Looking forward to see what’s next!

Until then,

TW

Bachelorette Recap: Let the tide roll in

***siggghhhhhhhh**** We’re back folks. The BACHELORETTE has returned and has arrived in all of itss well edited and manufactured glory. After suffering from a pretty dull season last year (sorry Becca) and just a straight up annoying season of the Bachelor more recently (not sorry Colton) we’re finally getting rewarded  more punishment with Hannah B, the roll tide princess who could barely make a toast and is known for her lion roar.

The night begins with some dreaded b-roll of Hannah rolling around in the fields of Alabama (America’s new least favorite state) and being “quirky” and “awkward.” That’s gonna get old real quick, let me tell you. We’re forced to relive the moment Chris Harrison tells her she’s gonna be the Bachelorette (and never work a day in her life while simultaneously promoting DIFF Eyewear, etc.)

So lets get to the first night, after strapping on her sequin dress with the help of Demi (miss you) and Katie, she’s ready to meet her suitors. First, we get a few highlights and public enemy #1 is 100%, Luke P. aka Colton Jr. After basically calling himself hot and then finding God, I’ve already had enough. More on him later.

He already got a copy and paste job of Colton’s Shower scene *eye roll*

Okay, limo reveals…. an Alabama guy is first, no surprise. Then she get’s this string of literal dorks, who can barely utter out the words “Hi, I’m …….” If this was done to make her look better, it worked…. almost. Finally, amongst the trash, the only thing worth looking at, in my opinion, Jed comes through, our resident hot musician from Nashville who’s instagram profile includes a Spotify link. I was all in until he goes:

He’s cancelled… until I  realize he’s still the only decent looking one next week. After him we get John Paul Jones and this Chicago douche who pops out of a box. He was trying so hard to be grocery store Joe, and so horribly failing at it.

Once she clinks some glasses with the group, Luke P. scoops her up like a vulture. Meanwhile, Demi and Katie return in a giant van to go all Maury Povich/Cheaters on Scott who clearly was dating someone back home. This felt extremely staged, again, to make Hannah look better. So after she goes all back woods on him, she throws him out literally, and I  wish she used this approach on 10 others.

Since that drama took over an hour, everyone who didn’t get to talk to her is shit outta luck. It’s already time for the rose ceremony. PS-She gave annoying AF Luke the first impression rose.

So at the end of night one, not speaking to everyone worked against some early favorites including the farmer who knows sign language and the other pilot, seriously, what was up with the pissing contest between the pilots?

The preview for the season looks like a lot of her annoying accent with make-outs and man fights sprinkled throughout. I’m very curious how this season will play out, for now:

Roll Tide Counter: Like Colton’s virgin counter, I’m going with a roll tide version and in night one, we got about 15

Rose: Old Matt Donald, or whatever his name was, was such a sweetheart I’m sad that he wasn’t given another week. Here’s to hoping we get him in Paradise

Thorn: The fact that she gave Cam from After the Final Rose a rose, and now he continues to believe he’s actually a good rapper/match for her.

See you next week for the start of something new… and probably awful!

-TW

Apartment Inspiration

Exciting things are around the corner, or should I say, the block! As of May, I’ll be moving into a new apartment and I could not be more thrilled. Since choosing my new apartment, I’ve been on a steady diet of online shopping at West Elm, combing through catalogs and scrolling Instagram for hours for inspiration.

Having a new place means a fresh start and as much as I’ve loved my apartment, gallery wall and current layout, I thought it might be fun to share some inspiration and trends that I’m planning to incorporate into my new place next month.

Color Shift:

I’m a firm believer of “throw what you know” or better yet, “if it’s not broken, don’t fix it.” When it comes to paint colors, I definitely play by these rules. I’ve had a blue bedroom for most of my life, and in my current apartment a blue accent wall in my living room. Instead of going for the exact navy color next time, I’m thinking of shifting to a softer hue and painting only half way up the wall. For my bedroom, I’m considering transitioning from a charcoal color to a lighter grey or blue.

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Loving this “at home try on” approach from Backdrop. (image: instagram.com/backdrop/

I’ve been playing around on Backdrop, a new paint brand that let’s you get large swatches, like the Warby Parker of paint, before choosing your colors. A few trendy colors I’ve been seeing are hunter greens, dusty rose, and icy blues.

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Loving this approach to color at Publishing House BNB in Chicago 

Lots of Luxe Fabrics 

Just like your closet, sometimes your space calls for an upgrade. Like a new leather jacket, the power of a luxe fabric can do wonders. Right now my mission is find the perfect leather couch and I’ve already invested in a velvet headboard for my bedroom. Velvet has been popping up everywhere, pillows, couches, bedrooms and armchairs, and I’m into it!

Bold and Bright Accessories (in bulk) 

I’ve seen a lot of bloggers and people buy furniture from a bigger name brand store and call it a day. Sure it looks good, and right out of a magazine (because it probably is) but it’s the styling that makes it your own! Minimalism may have been “in” the past few years, but maximalism has returned for 2019.

“Memphis style” is popular this year, which brings back the idea of bright and colorful accessories throughout the room, in unique shapes with an 80s flair. Even though I   won’t be adding a bunch of 80s decor to my space, I’ll be looking for a few vintage pieces, glassware and other trinkets to have throughout.

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A full look with plenty of layers of styling, and pops of color (image: decoraid.com)

These are just a few trends and thoughts I’ve seen and hope to implement towards my next place! What trends are you seeing and using in your spaces? I’m getting so excited for this change, and can’t wait to start showing what I’ve chosen to add to my new apartment very soon. Keep following along for more updates!

-TW

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Floral Fundamentals

Floral Fundamentals

In the words of Miranda Priestly… “Florals for spring…. groundbreaking.” An iconic line, but an accurate one none the less. But would it be spring without a post about floral prints…. not even close. If the trend isn’t broke, then don’t fix it, right?

Instead of going for my usual bright and cheery floral prints I’m leaning towards a darker and moodier option from Zara. Picked up at the end of the holiday season, I  was immediately drawn to this piece because it reminded me of a water color painting and also looked like a more luxe approach to a spring and summer staple.

CallieCraigWinter-63

I  always feel like Zara does a great job of making something look more expensive than it really is 😉 (that’s always the goal when I’m shopping) So instead of dropping a fortune at All Saints, this seemed like the perfect fit. As it’s been a colder spring anyway, this print transitions perfectly into the season.

With black jeans, it’s a great option for going out, but I’m excited to pair it with a bomber or blazer for a nice pop of color and pattern. Being from Zara, that means I’ve seen this top on others, and it honestly fits nicely on every body shape as it’s a bit loose.

CallieCraigWinter-60

Although floral prints might not be “groundbreaking” there is always a way to break new ground on how you approach a trend. For me, it’s taking a more dramatic route with a classic. I’m not sure about you, but I’m READY to start wearing spring clothes, it’s practically April, let’s get this season in bloom.

-TW